| PRIDE!!! |
[Jun. 17th, 2009|09:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | xymox - twisted | ] |
We're doing it again and we need contingent monitors! We're actually going to have a float this year so if you don't show up you'll be sorry you missed it! Please join me and the rest of the colored hair brigade at the training this Friday at the LGBT Center, dinner to follow. This is a really easy way to make a big difference for the community, even if you do nothing else for the rest of the year. Details are posted on the Pride website under "Contingent Monitors." Hope to see you there! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 12th, 2007|12:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | well-slept | ] |
Not having money sucks. But, ah, sleep! Joyous, decadent sleep! All the sleep I can take! I feel a little guilty, because it really takes time out of my day that I should be using to get stuff done, but I just can't bring myself to even try to get up earlier. This wonderful feeling will end soon enough on it's own. Then it's back to my old sleeping problems and the routine sleep deprivation of a 40 hour work week. Nope. Not even going to try.
My birthday is coming up in a month and I have no idea how I want to celebrate. I'm planning on doing a personal ritual of some kind, but that will likely be private.
In the absence of work, certain aspects of my life are really starting to come together. I feel the onset of a certain kind of inner peace. A rare and special thing I haven't felt in a long, long time. |
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| Aaaahhh... |
[Mar. 29th, 2005|05:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  wundervoll | ] |
| [ | music |
| | non-stop Wolfsheim for days | ] |
You know that feeling when you discover a great album that really resonates with you, and you just can't stop listening to it, no matter what you are doing? Oh yeah.
Music is the only real soul-food I get these days. I would die without filesharing :-P |
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| Fake Paypal email |
[Jan. 18th, 2005|10:23 pm] |
I sent this message to several other ppl, but I'll post it here too.
I don't know if any of you have Paypal accounts, but I figured I'd spread the word anyway. There has been a spoof email going around that looks like it's from Paypal. It's so realistic looking that it almost had me fooled. It says that your account has been flagged for security reasons, and then asks you to login to a site that asks for all your personal information including your bank account #'s. DO NOT CLICK ON THE LINK OR ENTER ANY INFORMATION IN THE FIELDS!!! I called Paypal about it thinking I was being paranoid and they told me it was fake. If you got one of these bogus emails forward it to spoof@paypal.com and then delete it. I reset my password too just to be extra safe. Please forward this message to anyone you know who has a Paypal account. Thanks :) |
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| Urrgh |
[Dec. 16th, 2004|09:02 am] |
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This journal is going to be Friend's Only from here on out. If you want to be listed as a friend just leave a comment and chances are I'll probably add you. Thanksies. |
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| If you can't take the heat... |
[Dec. 9th, 2004|12:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | CV, "Her" (stuck in my head since the show) | ] |
Why is that Americans are so weak when it comes to spicy food? It seems that Americans cant eat any ethnic cuisine at the level of spiciness its ppl are accustomed to. Yuppies are the worst. They pretend to be all interested in different cultures, but they can't eat ethnic foods as they were meant to be eaten. I hate it when ethnic restaraunts cater to yuppies, especially thai restaraunts. Thai food is meant to be eaten as hot as possible. I went to a thai restaraunt one time where the heat was barely detectable. Even my bf, who is weaker than most against spicy food, thought it was bland. Blasphemy I tell you!
Tuesday I saw Claire Voyant and Faith & the Muse at the DNA Lounge. It was a great show. Even the opening band and in-between DJ-ing was pretty good. I had a great time. I got CV to autograph my CD after the show :) They are so rad!
BTW Nina Hagen will be in SF again soon for those who are interested. :) |
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| sheesh |
[Dec. 2nd, 2004|03:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angsty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ambient mental noise | ] |
The person who I replaced when I took this job left a few thousand old emails on the server. Since I didn't have anything else to do today, I started going through and deleting the ones we don't need. Most of them aren't even business-related, but are extremely personal and very sexually explicit. Our security is minimal, almost anyone could have accessed her email if they wanted to. Apparently she was bisexual and polyamorous. It's kind of weird to find out that ppl you work with share such things in common with you. I'll bet Kevin knows her, since one of the emails mentions being body-painted for the Zone Ball!!! She also smoked a ton of weed, which would explain why things were so messed up when she left. And here I was worrying about getting in trouble for surfing goth sites and wearing black to work. Sheesh.
I have to admit I'm a little jealous. I wish I had lovers to write me red-hot emails filled with all manner of sordid details and incredible fantasy. Engine revving, stuck in park. God dammit. |
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| Cheese sandwich |
[Nov. 24th, 2004|12:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bemused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Delerium, "Enchanted" | ] |
Did anyone else hear about that cheese sandwich that sold for $28,000 because it looked like it had the Virgin Mary on it? I saw a pic of it online, and I think it looks like Jean Harlow. No one alive today knows what Mary really looked like, but when any female visage "appears" on anything its automatically the Virgin Mary. I don't think that's very fair. |
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| Stolen things |
[Nov. 23rd, 2004|12:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
There is someone else out there who has my AIM s/n, I don't know if they stole it or what. So if some of you have been getting weird responses from "me," it's not actually me. I've been trying to get the matter resolved, but tech support at AIM can't find my account, so I'll probably end up using YM exclusively. I'll probably change my YM s/n tho, I'm tired of the one I already have.
Being part Cherokee Indian, I've never been sure as to whether or not I should celebrate Thanksgiving. Even if I'm uncomfortable with the family aspect of it, it's usually worth it to sit around and eat all day, but then I feel like I'm disrespecting my ancestors by semi-celebrating a Disney-historical-style holiday invented for commercial purposes. I'm going to have to do some research this weekend.
Don't forget that the 26th is Buy Nothing Day. However, if you want to hang out at Wal-Mart and place bets on the dumpy, middle-aged moms fighting over cheap crap for their kids, I guess that's ok. My least favourite stolen holiday. I think it's ironic that the biggest Christian holiday in this country is also the biggest commercial event of the year. Doesn't anybody remember that story in the Bible where Jesus throws the money-changers and merchants out of the temple because the rampant commercialism destroys it's sacredness? I think Jesus would be anti-Christmas too. |
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| Joy and Fear |
[Nov. 18th, 2004|01:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crampy | ] |
So last weekend the PTB got tired of me sitting around and moping, so they got my ass out to a club where I had an unbelievably fantastic time. I danced until I could barely move. In flat shoes. Then we got invited to the afterparty and I danced some more. My legs are still hurting, which is probably really bad. There was a prize drawing at the club and I won a free CD! AND I found $20, which I used to take everyone out to breakfast. While we were there everyone was being really friendly and nice, which is a pretty sharp contrast to the pib's in Sac, where if they sneer at you, it's a good thing, because at least they acknowledged your presence. Ppl just came up and started talking to me, which I am totally not used to. I was a little afraid that I would have a hard time making friends once I moved to the city, but I guess I don't have to worry about that now.
I'm really excited about moving but I'm also frightened by the insane amounts of debt I'm going to incur. $550 per unit, and I have to take roughly 100 units to complete my BA O_o! And of course there's books and supplies and the cost of living, which hopefully won't be too much more than living here if I do it right, but still, most of that's money I'm going to have to borrow. I've never heard of anyone coming out of the Academy and not being able to find a good job, but I'm also afraid I might not be able to get through the classes. All my life I've been told that I'd never be able to make any money doing something creative as a career, so I never seriously developed my talents. I only took art classes because I had to. I've never even taken basic drawing. I'm afraid that I just won't be good enough to pass my classes. I have a feeling that this is going to be the first time I'm actually challenged academically too (at least in something that's not math, which in my defense, I had a learning disability at that time.) Ok, statistics was challenging, but that was mostly because it was so tedious, I understood the concepts. I'm expecting the workload to be pretty heavy as well. Ppl keep telling me those good-students-gone-bad horror stories about how a lot of students there develop drug habits just to stay awake because the amount of homework is so insane, but I'm sure that every high-end university has students like that. So obviously I'm feeling a more than a little daunted. I'm hoping this is just one of those things where you worry about it and it doesn't turn out nearly as bad as you thought.
It will be weird not having a car tho. I have to admit I'm going to feel kind of vulnerable going about the city by meself without it, but then I think about how much it's going to cost to keep it, and how much of a nuisance it will probably be. Unless you are parked in your own garage, there is practically nowhere in SF that you can park for 24 hours, even in front of your own house. Gas is approaching $4 a gallon there, and I'm sure my in-city mileage would go way down with all those hills. Plus insurance, oil changes, etc., etc. Plus having to deal with bay traffic O_o;, although ppl in SF don't drive as bad as the rest of the bay. Anyway, you get the point.
I've been doing a lot of cleaning and getting rid of a LOT of stuff so that my next move will be much easier. I've discovered this thing called "freecycling." You post in an online group about stuff you want to get rid of, and the ppl who want/need it come to your house and haul it away. Getting rid of furniture has never been easier. You can also post about stuff you want, and ppl will respond if they have what you're looking for. It's a great way to find homes for that perfectly good stuff that didn't sell at the yard sale and the thrift store won't take. Now if only I could freecycle the bird... |
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| Therapy |
[Nov. 11th, 2004|11:29 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the lovely sound of falling rain | ] |
As some of you have no doubt noticed I have a lot of emotional plaque that I need to deal with. This journal is part of my personal therapy. Although I update here to keep ya'll informed about my life, my blog is for myself. If you don't want to hear about my problems, don't read it. If you think I'm being dramatic or are going to judge me negatively based on how I deal with my personal demons here, then fuck off. If you want to be kind and offer support or just say hi, then you are perfectly welcome to stay. Just letting you know.
I think I never quite got rid of that cold I had. After I got home from work yesterday I just went straight to bed. I tried to get up and be productive but I just felt so terrible that I had to go back to sleep. Although it seems that I've been having more and more days like that when I'm not sick as of late.
I've been so depressed lately. This whole financial aid thing has forced me to talk to the rents more, which has forced me to deal with a lot of things that I try as hard as possible not to think about. People have asked me why don't I just stop talking to them altogether? It wouldn't help. Whether or not I still maintain contact with them, I still have to deal with everything that has happened. It's probably better this way, I'd like to shed all this emotional baggage as soon as possible. If I cut off contact it will just sit and fester in the back of my consciousness until I have a midlife crisis or emotional breakdown. I could never make them understand why I'd do such a thing anyway. My parents aren't malicious, at least I don't think so, they just have their own complicated set of problems which they projected onto me and my other sisters. Cutting off relations would be counter-productive, it would only create confusion and exacerbate the pre-existing trauma. But at the same time, I don't know of any way to solve the problem. I don't even know how to begin to address it. I'm not even sure what the root of the problem really is, just that it hurts a whole lot, enough to make me have self-destructive thoughts even now just out of habit, although I think that's probably something I will have to deal with separately. Chemicals aren't the only thing you can get addicted to.
Consequently my experiences have made me uncomfortable in the presence of ANYBODY'S family, even people I have known for years and years. Defense reflex I guess. So the holidays are usually umcomfortable for me, since it basically comes down to me sitting home alone or spending time with relatives other than my own. Although Anami's family is pretty nice. I'm just afraid of getting that you've-been-together-for-how-long-now-are-you-thinking-about-the-future-i.e.-GETTING MARRIED?!?!-hint-hint like I did last year. But I think I would probably get that no matter who I spent the holidays with. It's funny that I feel so strongly about same-sex couples having the right to marry when I don't think very highly of marriage to begin with. I'm not planning on ever getting married. I don't see myself having any use for such a partnership. I feel the cultural implications of such an arrangement are arbitrary and totally irrelevant to me. But if I ever change my mind, I want to be able to excercise my right to marry a woman :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2004|12:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  neurotic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Depeche Mode, "Black Celebration" | ] |
Whoa, two ppl have added me. Hi ppl. Please introduce yourselves. Although my journal is currently public, it is personal, and I do like to know who is reading it. I don't mind ppl adding me, I just like to know first.
I don't like it when my company places an employment ad. The number of idiots who call me all day and ask stupid questions is just staggering. We're currently hiring laborers. Usually the first thing they ask (after how much it pays) is "What does the job entail?" What the fuck do you think? Obviously you don't, or you wouldn't have to ask. Or they think it's a telemarketing position. What part of LABORER didn't you understand? And then there are the hotshots who think they can bypass the application system altogether and that all they have to do is talk to the right person and they'll get hired. They're worse than salespeople. I had one guy chew me out and demand that we hire him because he had 20 years experience. He claimed that we were discriminating against him because he was over 40. No, we discriminated against you because you're an asshole. Christ!
Well, my Halloween clearance hunting didn't turn up much. I was hoping to find some giant plastic cauldrons, but no luck.
I'm experiencing frustration over my financial aid situation. My father is not being co-operative with the loan paperwork, which was supposed to have been submitted last week. My mom won't deal with it, because handling the finances is the "man's job," and her mom's going to die soon, so she can't deal with any "outside" issues right now anyway. Obviously I'm going to have to look into other loans, but I still need to get about $6,500 before the end of January. My parents are at the root of almost all my neurosis and suffering, but I can't seem to escape them or figure out any way to fix the situation. I think I hate them. I'll have to think about that some more. Yeah I know it might sound a little childish, but this is MY journal, where I can write whatever I want, so fuck off! |
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| Suddenly France seems like a really nice place... |
[Nov. 3rd, 2004|12:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | seriously pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | rain falling | ] |
Anami256: Are you really serious about moving?
lilceridwen: maybe, why?
Anami256: Just wondering.
lilceridwen: depends on how bad things get here, and judging by the outcome of this last election, they could be really bad for the next 30 years at least
Anami256: From what I've been hearing, things are already better over there.
lilceridwen: oh yeah, Europe has much better social welfare in general and more stable economies
lilceridwen: Besides, it's going to seem great after what I predict is going to start happening here. The GOP now controls the senate, the house, the executive branch, and very soon the judicial branch, not to mention the majority of governors in the US are now Rep. Balance of power MY ASS!!!
Of course, this whole thing could create enough social turmoil to incite some major progressive change, but I don't know if I want to stick around to find out. If the draft (however unlikely it is now) suddenly became a possibility, the heightened security at airports would make it almost impossible to dodge. If you're thinking about leaving, I suggest you do it now while you still have the chance. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 2nd, 2004|09:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  too late | ] |
I think I'm going to be sick... |
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| The Weekend (beware, long rant) |
[Nov. 1st, 2004|10:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | painfully depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Prince, "When Doves Cry" | ] |
Well, my weekend blew goats for quarters. I tried to find fun things to do to properly celebrate the only holiday I really care about, but it just wasn't going to happen.
Friday night I went to a club event that totally sucked. Since this is Sacramento, it's not like I had great expectations for it or anything, but it turned out to be a lot worse than I expected. Everyone from the Rage and the now defunct Velocity was there. Plenty of scenesters, but maybe only 1 or 2 actual PIBs besides us. For the two and a half hours that I was there with my friends, we danced to one song. One. And only because I pretty much forced myself, the beat was totally undanceable, but I wanted to show my support for the DJ playing a song that wasn't crap EBM. The playlist was pretty much crap that was either butchered covers of songs that in their original version are lovely and danceable, or crap that all had the same beat and sounded more or less the same. At one point during the evening, the DJ-ing got so bad that everyone dancing stopped and just looked around at each other like WTF!? When ppl who go to the Rage do that, you know something is seriously wrong. Instead of trying to beatmatch it and save some face, the DJ just pressed the STOP button, so there was no music on the dancefloor while he was fumbling around for something else. During his set, there was only 1 or 2 ppl dancing at a time, while everyone else just stood at the edge of the dancefloor waiting for something tolerable to come on. Jesus get a fucking clue! These ppl go to the Rage, they don't have good taste. If they're not dancing, there is something wrong with you. And there was almost no flow whatsoever. You do not play a industrial song, then a goth song, then death metal(!), then something almost ethereal, then ebm. DJing 101, if you want ppl to dance, get them into a groove. Fucking Christ!!!
And there were elitists *smirks*. If there's anything worse than goth elitists, it's scenester elitists. Our entertainment for the night consisted mostly of pissing them off. I was not impressed with them at all.
As a result of Friday night I've completely given up hope on the Sac scene. There really is nothing worthwhile here. Until the urban sprawl starts to be settled by more ppl trying to escape the Bay, it's going to be nothing but an overgrown cow-town. But I'll be escaping soon, so I guess I can't really complain too much.
Ok, back to how much my weekend sucked. Saturday I went the Zone Ball (which was totally lame) to help my body painter friends by modeling their work. You'd think that standing around wearing nothing on your chest but paint and electical tape over key body parts would be more interesting. I was totally bored. There were very few original costumes and even fewer actual fetishists. It was mostly super-skinny girls in fishnets with their boyfriends *yawn.* I will say however that it felt good to be an exibitionist. Although the event was oversaturated by strippers that were tan, bleach-blonde, size 6, hairless, made-up and prosthetically enhanced, plenty of ppl wanted to take my picture and compliment my size 12-14, slightly overweight, pasty, imperfect, normal-looking body. Yay self-esteem.
Sunday sunday sunday. To avoid the serious depression I was feeling I mostly slept. I went over to my friends house to perform a Samhain ritual, which never happened. We were in the middle of a movie when I got a phone call from my parents. One of the only relatives that I somewhat know and actually feel any attachment to is in the hospital right now and is probably going to die soon. One of my other relatives died that weekend as well. As if my night couldn't have gotten any worse.
Halloween is the only holiday that I really celebrate besides my birthday. It's non-religious, and non-family oriented. For one night you can be whatever you want and have a perfectly valid excuse to act totally pagan-crazy. If you're a kid, you get to dress up and stay up way past your bedtime getting free candy. For once you're allowed to make a huge mess while you're carving pumpkins, and chances are mom isn't going to care if you "accidentally" get pumpkin slime on your little brother's head. For once society is encouraging you to be wildly creative. Halloween encourages us not only to look at the darker side of existence, but also to celebrate it. Fear and death become amusing things. In a way, for one night only, fantasy becomes reality.
Those of you who know me know what a big deal this is to me. I'm totally depressed that not only did I miss out big-time, certain events mentioned above and others conspired so that it totally sucked. It's not like I didn't try to have a good time. I've been trying to console myself with the prospect of post-holiday clearance sales and thrift hunting, but it's just not the same. I have to wait a whole year before I get a chance to do this again. I was really hoping that I would have a good time since last Halloween was so awful, but I guess all I can do now is try to forget about it until enough time has passed for me to feel enthusiastic about next year. |
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| I love you Margaret |
[Oct. 29th, 2004|12:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
"The Pope recently castigated the media for making gays look normal. Yeah, he’s a real good judge of normal. With the gold dress, and the matching gold hat, living up in the Vatican with 500 men, surrounded by the finest antiques in the world. You go, girl!"
-Margaret Cho from an article in the zine In These Times, http://www.inthesetimes.com/site/main/article/presidential_cockfight/ |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|02:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | irritated | ] |
Anyone want to do anything for Halloween? The last of my tentative plans just disintegrated... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2004|11:46 am] |
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Are there any decent-paying part time jobs out there that don't involve retail? I probably won't be able to attend full-time in the spring, so I'll need some income. Preferrably not earned by dealing with the general pubic :-P |
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| Me, a snob? |
[Oct. 25th, 2004|09:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | apprehensive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Wolfsheim stuck in my head | ] |
I still don't know what I'm doing for Halloween. There's a club event going on here in Sac, but it sounds like it's going to be mostly ebm and industrial, so I probably won't be going. I'm all for supporting the local scene, but why should I stick around here and have to sit through music that just irritates me and dance to maybe 3 or 4 songs when I can find a better club in SF and dance all night? (Or at least until my legs or lungs give out). Bleh. I don't understand why that crap is so popular, it all sounds the same. EBM = enemic butt mucus, excreted by monkeys, exported by mistake. Damn you Trent Reznor for making the industrial sound popular!!
Speaking of better clubs, I found one last weekend I really like. It's a pretty small one that's held at a wine bar in SF. The DJ-ing was pretty amateur, but the playlist was excellent, so I didn't mind. One of the things that we like to do when we're not dancing is dissect other ppl's dancing styles. I'm not disrespecting anybody, gothic dance especially is all about self-expression, and if it makes you feel good it doesn't matter how dorky you look, and it takes a long time to get really good at it anyway. I'm totally cool with whatever anybody wants to do, as long as they don't crash into me or step on my feet. I think we were a little too obvious with it though, I bet everybody there think that we're total elitists or something now. I feel kind of bad about it, since everyone was watching us anyway since we're obviously new. Not a good impression to make when you go somewhere for the first time. >_ |
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lilpnkspyder's journal